cynthetickravings...
Saturday, June 06, 2009
I thought of you today... you who held me and my intolerable nakedness... you who had a soothing innocence that evening, eyes that I would swim in... picking up the shattered pieces of spirit. Thank you. I will never forget the healing, the excitement, the passion... the dream.
... posted
at 2:12 PM by C.flava.
0 comments
Saturday, March 28, 2009
i was afraid of meeting your eyes, of falling into you... and then you were gone
why won't the demons from the past fade?
... posted
at 12:17 AM by C.flava.
0 comments
Monday, January 26, 2009
My doctor was the first to wish me a 'Happy New Ox Year'. A chronically nervous lady with pretty blonde hair. Her greeting made me smile. I'm lucky to have healthcare. Many of my 1st world peers do not have this basic human right.
This new year of the ox looks dreary for the world. It feels like the price of colonialism or the post-trauma of colonialism has come to a peak. What if, the British empire had not divided Pakistan and India? What if the empire had not interfered in its Palestinian colony? What if the industrialized-western world had chosen integrity over exploitation of third world labor? What if the West had not taken on Bin Ladin as a refugee and trained him to manifest Al Queda? What if the West stays out of Afghanistan, Iraq and allow its governments to resolve its own troubles?
The ox represents patience, strength and insightful logic. These might just be the things I need to get through this year's trials.
... posted
at 11:44 AM by C.flava.
1 comments
Monday, December 01, 2008
I have more than most could ever imagine having.
I have a roof over my head... I've never had a day to starve... I have access to unlimited information with hardly any censorship... i love my work with every bit of passion in my heart... my immediate family is alive and well... I have love in my life... I still experience common everyday altruism... my life is not in immediate danger...
... posted
at 3:59 PM by C.flava.
2 comments
Friday, November 21, 2008
i saw her again... for the first time, after so long, her eyes were looking into mine... I'd forgotten that it was this sensual vulnerability that once upon a time attracted me to her... her humor met mine again, our smiles met again... and those silences... those long silences that spoke so much...i remember the desire that overcame me that evening
I commented on her new hair, she commented on my clothes... we sipped our coffee... forgiveness is a powerful thing... it was a fresh start of a friendship...
... posted
at 12:07 PM by C.flava.
0 comments
Monday, November 17, 2008
Many people have asked me what I think of the issue of gay marriage.... to be honest, I think that the concept of 'marriage' is so diverse... it has transformed over generations and inter-cultural blending... governments involved with 'marriage' find themselves running into the challenges of diversity. It would be best for governments to stay out of 'marriage' altogether. Recognize civic unions or legal household partnerships but allow the individual to personalize marriage to what suits them. I am for the push towards 'equality'... by that I mean that I deserve the same rights that my heterosexual friends do... by 'same', I do not mean that I want to be the 'same' as them... 'equal' and 'same' are different. I mean that if, and when I have sex or want a life-long union with another, it is seen as equal to a heterosexual person by the government. I don't want my sexual behaviors to be criminalized and I want my concept of 'marriage' to be respected as equal to anyone else's concept of marriage.
... posted
at 2:03 PM by C.flava.
1 comments
Friday, November 14, 2008
"There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest. ” -
Elie Wiesel
... posted
at 12:10 PM by C.flava.
0 comments
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
2008...
America has a new president of colour... New Zealand has another new female prime minister... Zambia has a new president... The Cure has a new album...
This fall, it's felt like the sky has cried and renewed itself... it takes 7 years for cells to regenerate...
3 weeks ago, two young men robbed me in broad day light... I saw the innocent desperation on the youthful faces of my robbers... it's amazing how even in my shock I appreciated their humanity.
This compassion was short lived... rage overcame me... my story of victimization propelled a personal and passionate chase... I ran with all my heart... they were not going to get away with it... at some point I was out of breath.... I was prepared to have lost my belongings... I was horribly ANGRY...
Then... two strangers emerged from no where and ran with me... I ran even faster... as fast as my 2 inch heels would take me... i looked at my rescuers again... I DID know them.... it was the old guy that repairs bikes... and the guy who works at the food bank... people I would smile at daily... neighborhood folks I'd for granted as part of my everyday, ordinary life....
I live in a community of economic desperation... it can feel like every man or woman for herself... these really are trying times.... two strangers chose altruism over individualistic apathy... thanks to them and SFPD... all my possessions were recovered...
I walk to work everyday using the same route... i greet the same folks... i offer food to whoever I can, whenever I can... 3 weeks have passed... and my neighbors, both sheltered and unsheltered, who witnessed the crime, continue to check in on my well being... life is beautiful... and I await to be surprised by what else is ahead
... posted
at 1:55 PM by C.flava.
3 comments
Monday, September 01, 2008
it's september...
uncertainty is an awkward organism... it' an entity that reminds me of my mortality and powerlessness
i don't know if i'll fall for you, if you'll love me back... if you'll leave, if i'll want more...
i just don't know...
... posted
at 1:28 AM by C.flava.
0 comments
Monday, June 23, 2008
all this talk of marriage... babies...
i've wanted to marry several times in my life... in fact, i've placed way too much on my partners in the past... if you were my girlfriend you were made to be my lover, partner, happiness, sadness, anger, blank canvas, best friend, enemy, shopping companion, confidante, therapist, embassy, diplomat, chauffeur, safety net, pet sitter, house sitter, calculator, political statement, emotional release room, pms punching bag, journal... my universe
i'm placing grapefruit in my mouth and grateful for two years of singlehood
happy pride everyone
... posted
at 9:59 PM by C.flava.
0 comments
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Flight from Hong Kong to Singapore
... posted
at 3:40 PM by C.flava.
1 comments
Monday, March 24, 2008
in july i met her... and last weekend... to my elation, that spine-tingling july encounter had not been a one-sided dream.
... posted
at 6:53 PM by C.flava.
0 comments
Monday, March 17, 2008
if moments could stand still...
i'd let our embrace envelope my heart... seal our breathing in a time capsule and let the senselessness go
... posted
at 12:59 AM by C.flava.
0 comments
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
"I resent people who say writers write from experience. Writers don't write from experience, though many are hesitant to admit that they don't. I want to be clear about this. If you wrote from experience, you'd get maybe one book, maybe three poems. Writers write from empathy." - Nikki Giovanni
... posted
at 8:07 PM by C.flava.
1 comments
Sunday, January 20, 2008
his smile... it was an endless message of stars
'you look tired' he said with concern
and then i smiled... my body was worn out from the passing of the day
the night welcomed my heart
... posted
at 6:25 PM by C.flava.
2 comments
Sunday, January 06, 2008
this is an entry about my health and how i have neglected it... i don't know why i put my health last at all times as if it were immortal... the truth is that my health is a mortal being and each time it fails a little I consider impermanence and all that will come to pass... this year I'd like to sink into my body a little more and accept that all of it will wear out over time... 2008 will be about appreciating it and taking it to its full potential... I've heard that the body holds memories we do not necessarily recollect in everyday consciousness... maybe my health has a message or two about my history...
... posted
at 7:34 PM by C.flava.
0 comments
Monday, November 05, 2007
it was an '03... you stood half a meter away and the smell of it's oak would enchant you... I have memories of anxious wonder... wondering the consequence of the end... I've learnt to not be surprised by endings... to be baffled by the ways people move on... the ways people discover courage to be inspired by passing moments... the ways people feel excitement for another moment to come...
each day, i think, i learn to die a little better, to laugh a little louder...
I feel that the sky is more open than it seems...
... posted
at 10:47 AM by C.flava.
2 comments
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Being alone and being lonely.... I'm learning are entirely different.... I never thought that this much happiness was possible but it is... everyday I'm understanding this primal concept a little better... each time I feel lonely I open my heart and allow things to be beautiful...
This morning I opened up my windows and smiled at the dirt on the sidewalk... it was the kind of smile that, a year ago, would have never emerged... had I known this simple pleasure as a child... no... let me re-state that... I know this simple pleasure now.
... posted
at 5:02 PM by C.flava.
2 comments
Monday, July 30, 2007
I'm attempting to remember the last time I experienced a deep sence of closeness or intimacy... it''s honestly been 3 years... for the first time in a long time... I'm feeling lonely.
... posted
at 12:56 AM by C.flava.
7 comments
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
She was the kind of woman whom of course would never have given me a second look... you know the kind that would walk into a room knowing that everyone was close to breathless for a split second or two... so this brief encounter with this dream woman... she had the sort of mistique in her voice... the poetry in the images she threw out in conversation... her sense of self had a solidarity and intense attractiveness... there was just something about her... the way she captured my attention while she spoke of life and the cosmos...romance and deepness... the darkness of her skin... her dark eyes and the form of her lips...
she was just one of those you met at a random-thursday-dinner-get-together... the kind that are meant for me to dream of being with... and I... the kind that they forget...
... posted
at 1:27 AM by C.flava.
3 comments