cynthetickravings...
Monday, June 23, 2008
all this talk of marriage... babies...
i've wanted to marry several times in my life... in fact, i've placed way too much on my partners in the past... if you were my girlfriend you were made to be my lover, partner, happiness, sadness, anger, blank canvas, best friend, enemy, shopping companion, confidante, therapist, embassy, diplomat, chauffeur, safety net, pet sitter, house sitter, calculator, political statement, emotional release room, pms punching bag, journal... my universe
i'm placing grapefruit in my mouth and grateful for two years of singlehood
happy pride everyone
... posted
at 9:59 PM by C.flava.
0 comments
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Flight from Hong Kong to Singapore
... posted
at 3:40 PM by C.flava.
1 comments
Monday, March 24, 2008
in july i met her... and last weekend... to my elation, that spine-tingling july encounter had not been a one-sided dream.
... posted
at 6:53 PM by C.flava.
0 comments
Monday, March 17, 2008
if moments could stand still...
i'd let our embrace envelope my heart... seal our breathing in a time capsule and let the senselessness go
... posted
at 12:59 AM by C.flava.
0 comments
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
"I resent people who say writers write from experience. Writers don't write from experience, though many are hesitant to admit that they don't. I want to be clear about this. If you wrote from experience, you'd get maybe one book, maybe three poems. Writers write from empathy." - Nikki Giovanni
... posted
at 8:07 PM by C.flava.
1 comments
Sunday, January 20, 2008
his smile... it was an endless message of stars
'you look tired' he said with concern
and then i smiled... my body was worn out from the passing of the day
the night welcomed my heart
... posted
at 6:25 PM by C.flava.
2 comments
Sunday, January 06, 2008
this is an entry about my health and how i have neglected it... i don't know why i put my health last at all times as if it were immortal... the truth is that my health is a mortal being and each time it fails a little I consider impermanence and all that will come to pass... this year I'd like to sink into my body a little more and accept that all of it will wear out over time... 2008 will be about appreciating it and taking it to its full potential... I've heard that the body holds memories we do not necessarily recollect in everyday consciousness... maybe my health has a message or two about my history...
... posted
at 7:34 PM by C.flava.
0 comments
Monday, November 05, 2007
it was an '03... you stood half a meter away and the smell of it's oak would enchant you... I have memories of anxious wonder... wondering the consequence of the end... I've learnt to not be surprised by endings... to be baffled by the ways people move on... the ways people discover courage to be inspired by passing moments... the ways people feel excitement for another moment to come...
each day, i think, i learn to die a little better, to laugh a little louder...
I feel that the sky is more open than it seems...
... posted
at 10:47 AM by C.flava.
2 comments
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Being alone and being lonely.... I'm learning are entirely different.... I never thought that this much happiness was possible but it is... everyday I'm understanding this primal concept a little better... each time I feel lonely I open my heart and allow things to be beautiful...
This morning I opened up my windows and smiled at the dirt on the sidewalk... it was the kind of smile that, a year ago, would have never emerged... had I known this simple pleasure as a child... no... let me re-state that... I know this simple pleasure now.
... posted
at 5:02 PM by C.flava.
2 comments
Monday, July 30, 2007
I'm attempting to remember the last time I experienced a deep sence of closeness or intimacy... it''s honestly been 3 years... for the first time in a long time... I'm feeling lonely.
... posted
at 12:56 AM by C.flava.
7 comments
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
She was the kind of woman whom of course would never have given me a second look... you know the kind that would walk into a room knowing that everyone was close to breathless for a split second or two... so this brief encounter with this dream woman... she had the sort of mistique in her voice... the poetry in the images she threw out in conversation... her sense of self had a solidarity and intense attractiveness... there was just something about her... the way she captured my attention while she spoke of life and the cosmos...romance and deepness... the darkness of her skin... her dark eyes and the form of her lips...
she was just one of those you met at a random-thursday-dinner-get-together... the kind that are meant for me to dream of being with... and I... the kind that they forget...
... posted
at 1:27 AM by C.flava.
3 comments
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Happiness is sniffing lavander in the morning....
... posted
at 11:12 PM by C.flava.
0 comments
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
The night floats... while grief sinks in... the past wraps itself into a single wonder... and the present remains as it always has.... here, in all its momentary mystery... farewell is an ironic entity that folds chapters away in their rightful place... for the years that have passed and for all the other possibilities that unfold in this moment.... I chose to live... to live well now...
... posted
at 10:50 AM by C.flava.
0 comments
Monday, May 21, 2007
I never knew how to experience pride... it's a beautiful thing... and i think that in owning my pride for the first time in my life... I allowed myself to experience the humility of gratitude... I've never felt this happy and this grateful my entire life... so... congratulations me! and thank you everyone who's supported me in getting through the last three years... i am forever moved
... posted
at 11:27 PM by C.flava.
2 comments
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
"My mama always said, you've got to put the past behind you before you can move on and I think that's what my running was all about." -Forrest Gump
... posted
at 12:38 AM by C.flava.
1 comments
The story of the cute doctor and the lame therapist
.... I met her on that warm winter night... she stepped out of the car radiating in a tender warmth... suede boots and a cute little dress... soulful eyes... the meeting was more than a pleasant surprise...
Pleasant as it was... her sensitivity informed her of my closed heart and unavailable spirit...
6 months have passed... two nights ago I opened her car door... and saw it in her eyes... I experienced the graciousness of her exhaustion... it was the kind of heaviness that healers carry after a long day of work... I know that kind of exhaustion
there was soul in her eyes... compassion in her form...
I think... quite possibly... my heart’s opened up again
I can’t wait to see you Wednesday... thank you doctor
... posted
at 12:35 AM by C.flava.
1 comments
Monday, April 16, 2007
serenity ......................to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;..................
.................................................................and wisdom to know the difference
... posted
at 12:32 AM by C.flava.
2 comments
Sunday, April 01, 2007
the sun was beginning its descent into the evening... i felt the colors of the sky easing the constrictions in my exhausted chest... the better i say my goodbyes- full and complete goodbyes..... the better i live...
i miss you dearly tonight
... posted
at 2:48 AM by C.flava.
1 comments
Sunday, March 04, 2007
What's all this shit about love? How do we get so nuts? The time we waste! When you're alone, you cry, "Will I find her?" When you're not- "Does she love me as much as I love her?" "Can we love more than one person in a lifetime?" Why do we split up? All these fucking questions!
--Xavier in the movie...Russian Dolls
... posted
at 2:01 AM by C.flava.
1 comments
Friday, February 09, 2007
Today a man slouched on the seat of the bus stop... he held his cigarette intensely... like it was a departing lover... homeless as he was... he appeared content... I considered the style in which he savored that cigarette... wondered if I'd ever savored a moment so dearly... and was relieved that I had... I remember that exact moment... the softness of the embrace... it's sweetness and that silent... familiar tear at the edge of my heart...
... posted
at 12:52 AM by C.flava.
0 comments