| cynthetickravings...
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
... posted
at 1:32 AM by C.flava.
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Sunday, April 25, 2004
You work on a painting for months, and all everyone sees is "boobs", "a rounded penis with its balls"... NO I was not painting that! Anyways, *giggles* here it is.... at last...
... posted
at 4:55 AM by C.flava.
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Thursday, April 22, 2004
In a matter of weeks, life has spoken to me in a most ironic and mocking, story-telling voice. Truth, in its most brutal form can make you cry, scream and laugh all at once. I haven't had the strength to put into words all of the tangled emotions of grief, loss, hurt, paint splashes, drum beats and thought. But, maybe it's time I attempted to put some of it in writing. This space used to be somewhat of a sanctuary for processing and reflection. I wonder when it became a journal of events, photos and description.
Not so long ago, I let another human being embrace me in a way that I could not describe. The broken bits of olden day nightmare shriveled to a palm-sized strip. I placed this strip in her hand... In my mind she has and will always be the most beautiful thing to have ever shared moments with me. With her I tasted what was real, became real with myself. She'll never know how priceless that was. I chose something with all of my heart and lived by my passions...forgave my own ugliness... and all the vulnerabilities that made our shared life imperfect. I have no regrets. Sometimes, everything isn't enough.
I'm dropping the current psychotherapy training that I'm undergoing and taking something else on. I've been accepted to a MA Counseling Psychology program. It was tough, but I think I had to decide on fewer prescriptions from family and take care of my mental health.
Today I met a person whom I could finally relate too. Strangely, it was a cab driver... it was odd because before getting into the cab... I thought about all the money I would be loaning, and the effort it would take to return the money... but I weighed all that with my current state of mental health... my mental health for the last 26 years and I knew I couldn't go on that way anymore. So I got into the cab... and the dude talked about how he dropped his previous job as a director and decided to earn 1/10 of the amount of money as a cab driver.... "I love my job now, my emotions, my MENTAL HEALTH, is so much more important..." he said all that with a sense of profound pride I hadn't seen or heard in ages... and I believed him.
I leave for San Francisco this August.
That's all I'll say for now...
... posted
at 7:51 AM by C.flava.
0 comments
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
Last bits of the morning raining onto dried sand... this pencil drawn portrait entangled in broken lines and rubbed mist... farewell is a story of a constant wind... of blurred imagery and ununiformed memory.
... posted
at 1:32 AM by C.flava.
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Friday, April 09, 2004
Did I ever blog about John Lennon and Yoko Ono?
Yoko loved enough to let John go...
In 1974, he wanted to to explore new things... he felt like he couldn't be a fully integrated human being with Yoko Ono... he relocated to Los Angeles while Yoko remained in New York City... for two years John did the drugs, sex and rock and roll thing...
Let's consider for a moment,... Yoko Ono... like was she insane to let her husband go that way?... Did she have a choice?
Elton John facilitated their reunion at the end of 1975. They lived happily ever after, it seems, until... the assasination.
... posted
at 7:29 PM by C.flava.
0 comments
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
Billie Holiday- That Old Devil Called Love
It's that ole devil called love again
Gets behind me and keeps giving me that shove again
Putting rain in my eyes
tears in my dreams
and rocks in my heart.
It's that sly old sun of a gun again
He keeps telling me that I'm the lucky one again
But I still have that rain
still have those tears
And those rocks in my heart.
S'pose I didn't stay
ran away
wouldn't play
The devil
what a potion he would brew?
He'd follow me around
build me up
tear me down
Till I'd be so bewildered
I wouldn't know what to do.
Might as well give up that fight again
I know darn well he'll convince me that he's right again.
When he sings that silent song I'm just gonna tag along
With that ole devil called love.
He'd follow me around
build me up
tear me down
. . .
With that ole devil called love.
... posted
at 9:33 AM by C.flava.
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profile
nick:
cyntheticflava
gender: female
d.o.b.: 240878
location: San Francisco/Singapore
food pref: lacto vege
work:
field of shrinkology
musical instrument: djembe
fav colors: blue, maroon
fav food: baked corn
fav body part: armpit
music: d&b/hiphop/jazz
fav writers: kundera, murakami
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