cynthetickravings...
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
To the cute chic with the fugly boyfriend:
(Cflava's rendition of Doncha-Tori Alamaze)
I know you like me (I know you like me)
I know you do (I know you do)
Thats why whenever I come around
HE's all over you (she's all over you)
I know you want it (I know you want it)
Its easy to see (it's easy to see)
And in the back of your mind
I know you should be f***ing me (babe)
Don't cha wish your BOYFRIEND had tits like me?
Don't cha wish your BOYFRIEND had ass like me?
Don't cha
Don't cha
Don't cha wish your BOYFRIEND was raw like me?
Don't cha wish your BOYFRIEND was fun like me?
Don't cha
Don't cha
Argh... it's 4.20am and I can't sleep!
... posted
at 4:15 AM by C.flava.
3 comments
These days I catch myself not breathing... I was walking down the Mission and my chest collapsed... I realized I'd stopped breathing... as I took in a deep breath... tears appeared at the corner of my eyes... my father used to tell me that the first thing we learnt when we were born was to breathe and that doing it well was the first step to a mindful life... I swallowed my saliva, holding my emotions inward... "You're one of those girls who look pretty when they cry."... an aged homeless man had come up to me with a warm and non-judgemental smile... I looked back into his eyes... "Are you hungry?"... he deserved a quesadilla.
At 13, I remember my first taste of jealousy and heart break. "Sorry but I don't think we're right for each other"... he rode off with his Natas skateboard... I stood there under the hot sun... heavy backpack, school uniform and a lump in my heart... a week later I saw him with her, holding hands... happy smiles... carefree ... I looked down at the concrete pavement feeling dispensable... the pain was cutting... as a young teenager, I coped the only way i knew- frozen cold anger.
I have since learnt that the journey down the birth canal is a solo experience- a naked one... free of chains and wounding... from there.... the chains of meaning/relationship we accumulate & the woundings we suffer are perhaps the essence of the human experience.... but really in the end, all we have is our nakedness, all else fades. Jealousy can go one of two ways- #1 frozen anger, #2 humility and surrender. For the first time in my life, i am experiencing the later. i cant begin to describe the pain of loss and the cutting hurt of feeling dispensable... but i am keeping mindful that I was born into this world naked... and every meaning... every obligation will come to pass... I am no one's to keep and no one is mine to posses... so i'm loving enough to dream it possible that life goes on with or without me. Nothing is for me to own... impermenance is a curse we all have to face... and it is times like these that i look at my own nakedness and learn to treasure it for what it is... it is all I really have.
... posted
at 1:58 AM by C.flava.
5 comments
What If- Coldplay
What if there was no light?
Nothing wrong, nothing right.
What if there was no time?
And no reason or rhyme.
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side.
That you don't want me there in your life.
What if I got it wrong, and no poem or song
Could put right what I got wrong
Or make you feel I belong
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in your life.
Oooh, that's right
Let's take a breath jump over the side
Oooh, that's right
How can you know it if you don't even try
Oooh, that's right
Every step that you take
Could be your biggest mistake
It could bend or it could break
But that's the risk that you take
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there in your life
That you don't want me there by your side.
Oooh, that's right
Let's take a breath jump over the side
Oooh, that's right
How can you know it when you don't even try
Oooh, that's right
Ohhhhh
Oooh, that's right
Let's take a breath jump over the side
Oooh, that's right
You know that darkness always turns into light
Oooh, that's right
... posted
at 12:30 AM by C.flava.
3 comments
Monday, August 29, 2005
... posted
at 2:00 PM by C.flava.
4 comments
... posted
at 12:06 PM by C.flava.
3 comments
Sunday, August 28, 2005
For a whole year I'd been telling myself to make it to a dhamaal event... and I finally did... the music blew my mind... especially the drum and base... and the south asian beats... I hadn't had this sort of energy to dance since Kuala Lumpur 2-3 years ago... that was how awesome it was... the bigger question of the night was... why did it take me a whole year to get to this monthly event... ? I'm the sort of person that reflects as I dance... I discovered some piercing answers within myself and the truth scared me... I feel like I've just awoken from some sort of trance or voodoo... where have i been? where on earth have I been?... it's 7am and I'm still wondering.
... posted
at 6:28 AM by C.flava.
0 comments
Saturday, August 27, 2005
my printer broke down last semester... when things break down do you fix 'em or consume something new... Constance says her boyfriend would rather throw something away than go through the trouble of repairing it... i had these cherry wood JVC speakers years ago.., they were tiny but the sound was amazing... they broke down because i was silly enough to use the wrong voltage threw the system... the sales guy said i could repair it, but with the cost of repair being so high, i might as well purchase a new set...so I threw it out...and went out searching for a set as pretty and as awesome as it... up till today when i walk through the stores at sim lim... nothing beats it... i honestly regret not fixing it... the cost would have been worth it.
she said she'd rather try and regret rather than not try at all... i cant begin to express the depth of how i felt when i heard that,...
... posted
at 4:28 PM by C.flava.
0 comments
I've said it before many times.. that- there's nothing a glass of red wine and live jazz can't cure... it didnt cure anything on my birthday.
... posted
at 4:01 PM by C.flava.
0 comments
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
23/08/05 Taipei Airport
2000
Several years ago I met a beautiful man. He had the deepest blue eyes and liberation in his heart... he floated through life as he traveled the globe... I remember that very kiss...there was reggae in the background... I was swept away by his dreams...
“So what’s your dream?”
“I don’t know, I never have dreams, I have goals. Like I wanted to have a career in counseling, now I have it.”
“That’s not a dream, everyone needs to dream...like my dream is to cover every bit of space on the planet...that’s why I keep on traveling...”
He said it with such intent as if to invite me to dream with him... I did for that brief moment enter his world and discovered the beauty of dreaming...
1996
Years before that a hippie chic asked me the same question...
“So what’s your dream?”
“To graduate”
“That’s not a dream... my dream is to have a huge garden where I can grow all kinds of vegetables from all over the world.”
Her dream was to be in a self-reliant world- free of pesticides and unethical economics... she had a relentless distaste for deodorant and a heartfelt passion for bushy armpit hair... it was at this point that I rolled my eyes and knew that there was no way in heaven or hell that I could date her...
2005
Last week I finally asked myself what my dream was...
The aboriginals in Australia talk about ‘the dream’ as a part of the human mind that connects to the cosmos... there are archetypical themes in human dreams... the ancient emerges in our dreams and the depths of our spirit and connectivity is expressed...
I dream of serenity on a foggy day... the air is cool and my chest is light with peace... I enter a room and it’s a haven for the full range of my emotions... its a place where good and evil co-exist... where happiness comes to consciousness only in comparison to sadness... it’s a place that holds irony, oxymoron and all the contradictions of my life are held in a sacred space....
That’s my dream.
... posted
at 11:48 AM by C.flava.
1 comments
Sunday, August 21, 2005
